"I Don't Wanna Grow Up, I'm a ToysRUs Kid"

Spent some time in Orlando this weekend. I was mainly supposed to be there for a big, important, at some points interesting, but (honestly) mostly boring advocacy meeting. I did, however, get to spend a little quality time with a few of my closest friends from college. So good for my soul.  Being, or at least feeling, so isolated in this season of my life has been almost unbearable at times. It was nice to have a break from that. From the loneliness. From the (sometimes self-inflicted) heaviness and seriousness that seems to surround life. To just be with some of my dearest friends. All of us taking temporary breaks from our too separate lives, hitting the pause button, being carefree, and together, if only for a day. 

Of course, it was bitter-sweet. And, all too short. Now, it's back to our very separate lives. In which we are not still the somewhat naive and young college students we once were. But, adults.   Sure, we are getting there at very different paces, by very different paths, but adults just the same. All with certain, very different, responsibilities and passions. But all with an ever growing sense of maturity, self, and life experience that we didn't always have. 

It's quite scary, honestly. Mostly because I'm not sure when it happened.  When did I grow up?

In some ways, I feel like even as a child, I was an adult. All the surgeries, therapies, and seriousness of CP certainly forced me to be mature, even as a very young child. It has shaped my personality to this day, really. I've always been and still am,  on the serious side. I've had to be. It's something not many understand, and at times is burdensome, but it is.

On the other hand, I've also always felt younger than I am. More dependent. At least physically. Because, I am more physically dependent, let's face it. It's sometimes hard to feel "all grown up" because of it.  As independent as I am, there is still so much I can't yet do. In so many ways, even the one year old that can walk, has more independence and freedom than I do.

Honestly, I'm not sure what I'm getting at. Or if I am getting at anything. It's just a strange feeling. Suddenly realizing you are an adult, when in some ways you feel like a child. But, I think we all feel like that. That we all constantly look at our lives and wonder  exactly how we got here. That was what this weekend was for me- Looking at the last few years of my life, and wondering where they went when I wasn't looking. But I couldn't imagine sweeter, more precious  friends to have done that with. 

........ 

Other Random Thoughts

*I think I'm going to apply for the "Partners in Policy" program. Which basically teaches how to better work with legislators and advocate for the disabled, as well as the history of the "Disability movement" (hate that term!), and current policies/issues, etc.  And, honestly it is something I'm even surprised that I am interested in. But as much as I may not like it, advocacy is an important part of my life. Both for myself, and for the kids and families I have been working with. Someone has to do it. And, God keeps putting me in positions to, so I may as well embrace it. 

* If I wasn't motivated enough to actually do that 15k wheelchair race next year, I am now. A few of my friends are already planning to run in it while I wheel. And, everyone I know has been so supportive, that I can't back down even if I wanted to. Not that I want to. 

I haven't been hard-core training for it. Not yet. Not until I have my new chair, but so far, so good! :) 

* The Jets are winning right now. :) Even though, I am actually a Giants fan-The Jets are the last team that I even semi-care about left in the playoffs. So, I need them to win! 

* I have my second (and first *real*) session of my current round of physical therapy tomorrow at 7 am. I'm really determined to not loathe PT this time around. To approach it in a manner fitting of a 22 year old, and not a 5 year old. I know I need it. I believe I can make gains. I believe it's worth it. But, 7 am, really? Ugh!